Free Self-Esteem, But You Lose Your Self-Respect

In a Chinese restaurant, a family a few tables over:

Mother- "Well what's the problem?"
Daughter- "The problem's that I'm ugly."
Mother- "No, you're not!"
Daughter- "Yes, I am!"
Father- "No, you're not that ugly."

(Nothing like a good ol' dose of father's wisdom.)

At a friend's house, standing in his kitchen. Another person notices the dog's bowl.

Boy 1- "Dude, man, does your dog eat Cocoa Puffs?!"
Boy 2- "No you idiot. That's dog food, it's Kibbles and Bits."

(I mean, I would be surprised too, if you were feeding your dog the equivalent of feeding babies cyanide capsules.)