It's Impossible to Think Before You Speak, When You Lack the Ability to Think

Upon seeing another person having some computer issues, the following was uttered:

"You can't let your computer know it controls you. You gotta smack the bitch every once in a while. Keep it in line with a good slap!
(Several smacking hand motions later)
But you can't do that to a woman."

(The one thing you don't learn in IT: let the computer know who the boss is.)

Same person as before, in a much more inebriated form.

"If you keep filming me I will castrate you! I will cut your fucking dick off! I will castrate the shit out of you!"

(Chemical castration sounds horrible in this context.)